"Guns and witches. What could go wrong?"
Sally Malik
"If I Only Had Raw Brain"
Series Being Human
Season 3, Episode 11
Being Human 3x11 001.jpg
Air date March 25th, 2013
Writers Mike Ostrowski
Director Paolo Barzman
Producers Jeremy Carver; Anna Fricke; Elissa Lewis; Irene Litinsky; Gilles Perreault; Stefan Pleszczynski; Michael Prupas; Rob Pursey; Evan Tussman; Toby Whithouse
Starring Sam Witwer; Meaghan Rath; Sam Huntington; Kristen Hager
Episode guide
"For Those About to Rot"
"Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive"

"If I Only Had Raw Brain" is the eleventh episode of season three of the US version of the supernatural drama series Being Human and the thirty-seventh episode of the series overall. It was directed by Paolo Barzman and written by Mike Ostrowski. It first aired on Syfy on Monday, March 25th, 2013 at 9:00 pm.

In this episode, Aidan decides to honor the promise he made to Kenny. He breaks him out of Suffolk County Hospital and brings him home where he tells the others that he intends on making him a vampire. Josh and Nora decide to get married right away, so that Sally has enough time to be the maid of honor before succumbing to the curse of being a flesh-eater. First however, comes the bachelor party. Josh's sister Emily comes to town and takes her brother to a strip club, the results of which are disastrous to say the least.

Synopsis[edit | edit source]

Josh and Nora are concerned.

At the Suffolk County Hospital, Josh Levison gets into a private argument with Aidan Waite. Josh is furious that Aidan's vampire brethren learned the truth about inoculating themselves with werewolf blood and as a result, Josh's mentor, Pete, is now dead. Aidan feels horrible and apologizes, but reminds Josh that he told the vampires that it was unnecessary to kill in order to get what they needed. Josh seems to care very little about that.

Leaving the uncomfortable conversation, Aidan goes to see the teenager Kenny in the isolation ward. Kenny tells Aidan that a match for a blood donor has been found, but that he doesn't want it. Aidan encourages him to accept the offer, but Kenny has no confidence in that it will even work. He suspects that Aidan is trying to back out of their deal to turn him into a vampire. To prove that he is one to keep his promises, Aidan breaks Kenny out of the hospital and takes him to the park. He smiles as he watches Kenny enjoying himself playing with a dog. Kenny asks him if he can have just one day as a normal human teenager before he becomes a "Lord of the Night". From some distance away, a mysterious hooded man watches them with great interest.

Aidan brings Kenny back to the brownstone and introduces him to Josh and Nora. Both of them know of Kenny and are also aware that he is supposed to be kept in isolation. Aidan sends Kenny into the basement to put his stuff away, giving him time to explain to the others his decision to turn Kenny into a vampire. Josh feels that he is being completely irresponsible. In a surprising turn of support, Nora backs Aidan's decision, citing that if they have the ability to use their curse to do some good, then they should do it.

Sally tries to resist the urge - for flesh!

Meanwhile, the situation with Sally grows even more intense. She is literally wasting away and it is only a matter of days - perhaps even hours - before she succumbs to her rotting illness. Josh wants to put an end to this once and for all. Nora, Sally and he march down to the Miller Avenue Community Kitchen and Josh is prepared to shoot the witch responsible for Sally's condition, Donna Gilchrist. When they get to the site however, they are shocked to see that the entire building has disappeared. Hope seems lost and they all return home.

Nora talks to Josh privately in their room. She suggests that they should get married as soon as possible so that Sally can be there for the wedding.

Sally meanwhile, goes to the Howell & Holt Funeral Home to talk to Max. She reveals the truth to him about being a flesh-eater. In a mild bit of desperation, Sally asks if she could sample a little bit of the corpse of a woman named Miss Hanover. Max is offended by the notion, not so much because of the gruesomeness of the request, but that Sally would even for a moment think that he would be okay with it. "Watching the dead is my responsibility...", he tells her and he refuses to help. As tensions rise, they both admit that they are in love with one another.

Word spreads quickly about Josh and Nora's pending nuptials and Josh's younger sister, Emily, pops by the house to congratulate them. She announces that she is taking Josh out for a bachelor party and Nora thinks it's a great idea. Aidan and Kenny agree to go as well. Kenny is particularly excited when he learns they are going to a strip club. Josh however, is exceedingly uncomfortable with the idea.

Nora asks Sally for a favor.

Emily and the three males go to the strip club. Kenny is having the time of his life, but Josh is absolutely miserable. Kenny almost blurts out to Emily about becoming a vampire very soon, but Aidan reels him in. One of the strippers - a woman named Sadie is an old girlfriend of Emily's and she flags the stripper off the stage and pays her to give Josh a lap dance. Aidan takes note of the fact of a strange hooded man watching them from the corner of the room.

Back at the house, Sally locks herself in her room for fear that her hunger for human flesh may overwhelm her. Nora knocks on her door and asks Sally to be her maid of honor. As part of a small two-girl bachelorette party, Nora cracks open some wine coolers and penis straws.

At the strip club, Sadie brings Josh into a private booth where she begins grinding on him. Josh is nervous and uncomfortable and tries to do everything he can to escape from this embarrassing situation. His plight becomes dangerous however when Sadie reveals that she is a vampire and lunges at Josh prepared to drink his blood. Aidan appears just in time to drive a stake through Sadie's back, reducing her to dust. Unfortunately, Emily witnesses the entire thing and runs from the club in a panic.

Josh follows Emily outside the club and she exclaims that she just saw Aidan murder someone right before her eyes. Josh reveals the truth that Aidan is a vampire and that Nora and he are both werewolves. Although Emily heard about Josh's werewolf obsession in the past, she never truly put any stock into it until now. She has absolutely no capacity to deal with this revelation at this time.

"Eat me!"

Aidan returns home with Kenny and tells him that it will soon be time to turn him into a vampire. Kenny is nervous, but Aidan promises that he will keep him safe.

Sally calls Aidan up to her room for a special request. The hunger is overwhelming her and she is on the edge. She wants Aidan to end her life for her. Aidan is not ready to give up hope however and comes up with a temporary solution. He allows Sally to eat a small bit of his flesh. She doesn't want to, but he insists, reminding her that he will heal. Sally chomps down on the side of his stomach and groans that it is like biting into a car tire. Aidan steels himself against the pain.

With her craving for flesh temporarily sated, Sally goes off to find the psychic Ilana Myers. She wants Ilana to help her find Donna. She tells her about the two ghost doors that appeared before Nick and Stevie and Ilana concurs that no two ghost doors can ever be the same. These doors are leading somewhere else. She gives Sally a book written in Latin and hopes that it might give her some insight into how to defeat Donna. After Sally leaves, Ilana hears a noise coming from downstairs. Suddenly, the formerly deceased werewolf Ray appears, demanding to know what exactly she told Sally. Ilana tries to exorcise him, but Ray snaps her neck.

Meanwhile, Aidan stumbles through an alley near the brownstone, still recovering from the bite wound that Sally gave him. The hooded man from the park and the club accosts him. He reveals himself to be Jeff Westin - the ex-boyfriend of Aidan's current girlfriend, Kat Neely. He is a vampire, but appears horribly disfigured. He attacks Aidan, demanding to know why he did this to him. Aidan has no choice but to fight back, staking him through the stomach and turning him to dust.

Cast[edit | edit source]

Starring[edit | edit source]

Guest Starring[edit | edit source]

Notes & Trivia[edit | edit source]

Allusions[edit | edit source]

  • The title for this episode is taken from the song "If I Only Had a Brain", which was featured in the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz. The song was performed as an ensemble piece, but was primarily sung by Ray Bolger, who played the role of the Scarecrow.

Appearances[edit | edit source]

37th appearance. Appeared last in "For Those About to Rot". Appears next in "Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive".
37th appearance. Appeared last in "For Those About to Rot". Appears next in "Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive".
37th appearance. Appeared last in "For Those About to Rot". Appears next in "Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive".
23rd appearance. Appeared last in "For Those About to Rot". Appears next in "Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive".
6th appearance. Appeared last in "Your Body Is a Condemned Wonderland". Appears next in "Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive".
6th appearance. Appeared last in "For Those About to Rot". Appears next in "Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive".
6th appearance. Appeared last in "It's a Shame About Ray". Appears next in "Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive".
6th appearance. Appeared last in "Of Mice and Wolfmen". Appears next in "Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive".
7th appearance. Appeared last in "One Is Silver and the Other Pagan". Appears next in "Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive".
2nd and final appearance; destroyed in this episode. He appeared last in "For Those About to Rot".
3rd and final appearance. Appeared last in "It's a Shame About Ray".
1st and only appearance; destroyed in this episode.

Quotes[edit | edit source]

  • Kenny Fisher: I know that I, umm... I pressured you to turn me into who you are. Can I have one day as a teenager? Please?
  • Aidan Waite: You're about to spend an eternity as a teenager.
  • Kenny Fisher: Well yeah, but not as a human one. I've never gotten to do that. I want to drink and eat and do drugs.
  • Aidan Waite: Okay, slow down.
  • Kenny Fisher: I want to do all the stuff that won't affect me when I'm, you know... "Lord of the Night".
  • Aidan Waite: One day. And don't ever call us that.


  • Aidan Waite: He gave me clean blood, so I made a deal to, uhhh... save him.
  • Josh Levison: You mean to turn him?
  • Aidan Waite: Yeah.
  • Josh Levison: Aidan, how is cursing him to a life you claim to hate saving him exactly?
  • Aidan Waite: I'll keep him in check.
  • Nora Sargeant: So he's going to bunk with you now, downstairs for like... eternity?
  • Aidan Waite: He's going to stay down there until he gets used to his new life.
  • Josh Levison: Between Stevie and Erin we don't exactly have the best track record with wayward teens, Aidan.
  • Aidan Waite: This will be different. It has to be different. I understand you're upset with me about Pete. Please, do not punish Kenny for that.
  • Nora Sargeant: You're right. We have so many reasons to hate what we are. But if we can use our curse to help someone... then I say we do it.




  • Aidan Waite: First rule of vampires: Do not talk about vampires.


  • Josh Levison: You know it's true what they say about bachelor parties. Its not for the groom. Its for the groom's gay sister.


See also[edit | edit source]

External Links[edit | edit source]

Series links

Episode links

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