User:Brian Kurtz/To do

Wallace Bryton and Teddy Craft are two podcasters who run the inappropriately named podcast called "The Not-See Party", which specializes in talking about weird things and weird people. Wallace is dating a hot Latina named Ally Leon, but their relationship is rocky due to Wallace's newfound celebrity status as a successful podcaster. As such, Ally has been secretly seeking comfort in the arms of Teddy Craft.

Wallace and Teddy receive video of a young man who is practicing martial arts moves with a samurai sword who accidentally cuts his own leg off. They talk about the video on the podcast, and the opportunity arises for Wallace to meet the so-called "Kill Bill Kid" for an interview.

Wallace flies to Winnipeg, Canada, only to discover that the kid has since committed suicide. Having already spent more than $500 on the flight, Wallace is desperate to find something worthy of the podcast. He finds a flier about a man in Manitoba named Howard Howe, who is an elderly invalid seeking companionship and someone with which to tell stories of the amazing adventures of his life. Wallace sees this as his Golden Ticket and makes the two hour drive to Manitoba.

And then Howard cuts off Justin Long's legs, and surgically body-horrors his ass so that he looks like a human walrus. Then Howard puts on his own walrus flesh-suit and they hash out their differences by tusk fighting in a kiddie pool.