Hellblazer 3

"When it comes to arrogant parasites, I've got a short fuse. So look out, suckers, here comes the revolution!"

- John Constantine

Plot
A man named Roger Randall jogs through the Spitalfields neighborhood of London. He quickly finds himself outflanked by two young yuppies, both of whom represent Roger's interests at Mammon Investments. Mammon Investments is actually run by a demon known as Blathoxi. Blathoxi's demonic yuppies, Bella Donna and Rodney Bubosganglia remind Roger that he has failed to pay his commission and kill him.

On Election Day, John Constantine goes to visit the Serendipity junk shop operated by his friend, Ray Monde. Ray tells John about the recent rash of strange deaths taking place in Spitalfields, including a headline, which reads, "Jogger Dead in Melted Running Shoes!" John decides to look into the matter and begins snooping around the neighborhood. He is more curious about the idea of yuppies living in Spitalfields than anything else.

Bella Donna and Rodney meanwhile return to their own flat where they assume their natural demonic guises. After listening to horrifying music and freshening their breath with infant adrenal tincture, they decide to live it up at a trendy night spot known as the Pits. After watching them outside their apartment window, John decides to follow them to the club.

He learns immediately that the Pits is run by demons, most of whom represent Mammon Investments. He nearly exposes himself after shouting "Jesus Christ!" (an unfavorable name in an establishment such as this) upon sipping from a glass of goat's blood. Fortunately for John, another partier begins to draw attention to herself. Highly inebriated, the blonde-haired woman begs Rodney Bubosganglia to give her more time to pay her commission, but there is little tolerance for lateness here. Failure to pay your fees results in the loss of your soul. Rodney violently tears the woman's soul from her body, and her head catches on fire.

Disgusted by the display, John decides its time to leave as quickly as possible. He dives out of a window, knowing that the demons will pursue him. He seeks to stave them off, by running inside of a church. Once things settle down, he returns to his apartment.

John creates a mystic circle and begins an incantation to summon Blathoxi, the Lord of Flatulance. One of Blathoxi's discharges arrives, and escorts John to Hell for an audience with the arch-demon. John offers to sell Blathoxi his soul, and indicates that he is in a rush. Blathoxi thinks John may have inside information on the UK soul-market, and refuses to deal with him. It matters little however. The fact that John even extended the offer has captured the attention of many of Blathoxi's charges. Sending him back to Earth, Blathoxi's agents begin investing in political ventures that support England's Labour party.

When John returns to Earth, he is back inside the Pits suspended upside down from the ceiling. Many of the demons are holding an election party celebrating Margaret Thatcher's resounding victory as Prime Minister. Suddenly, Blathoxi appears, furious over the fact that John's influence panicked the soul market, causing it to crash. The infernal dollar is now worthless. Gathering his demon yuppie horde, Blathoxi returns to Hell. John is the only one left inside the club. He chuckles to himself, even as he hangs helplessly upside down, shouting "I won – and I bloody feel good about it!" Then he looks at the television screen, flashing images of the conservative Margaret Thatcher and his smile quickly fades as he remarks, "Like I said, there's more than one road to Hell".

Appearances
Featured Characters:
 * John Constantine

Supporting Characters:
 * Ray Monde
 * Roger Randall

Villains:
 * Belial undefined
 * Bella Donna
 * Blathoxi
 * Rodney Bubosganglia

Other Characters:
 * Margaret Thatcher

Locations:
 * Hell
 * England
 * London
 * Camden
 * Spitalfields
 * The Pits

Items:
 * None

Vehicles:
 * None

Notes & Trivia

 * This issue is reprinted in the Hellblazer: Original Sins trade paperback.


 * This issue takes place on June 11th, 1987.


 * First appearance of Ray Monde. Ray also appears in flashbacks, which take place after events revealed in Hellblazer'' #27, but prior to events revealed in issue #6.


 * Margaret Thatcher served as the Prime Minister of England from 1979 until 1990. She is the longest serving Prime Minister of the 20th century.


 * Spitalfields was the scene of the infamous Jack the Ripper murders of the 19th century, which took place exactly one-hundred years prior to publication of this issue.


 * The term Mammon is used in the New Testament to describe material wealth or greed.


 * In this issue, John paraphrases a rather famous line of dialogue from the 1976 film, Network. The line is "I'm mad as Hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"